January 12, 2022 Sweet 16

A piercing cry shattered the silence, but it was a cry that held a mix of fear and joy. I came in the room and there you were. Balling, and squirming. The cry shook me and I didn’t know what to do. 

So I held out my finger and you reached for it. You grabbed it and held on.

In that instance you stopped the cacophony of sound. There was nothing but silence. A warmth enveloped me.

You held on tight. My darling little girl, you held my finger with your tiny hand. You held my heart with that fateful grasp. You have never let go.

Even though sometimes in the last sixteen years I thought you may have tried.

You hold my heart still. And you always will.

I cherish all those moments in my mind. I will never forget and I will never let go. I remember when you crawled, I was thrilled when I saw you move, when I heard you giggle. The sounds touch me still when I heard the word, “Daddy.”

Your first steps you took with that moment of hesitation and excitement. I will never forget that day you crossed the dining room floor on your own two feet.

It is all I can do to help you along the way. To help you with every step.

I remember your first day at school. And so many more.

I remember when I got the call. You had fallen on the balance beam. It hurt me almost as much as it must have hurt you, to see you you cry and see the scar upon your lip.

I remember the days when I could kiss it all better and make it go away.

Time has slipped by since those fragile days when you were so young and small. Your first time down the mountain on skis. I can still see you careening out of control toward the bottom of the chair lift when you rammed right into the stanchion at the bottom. I couldn’t get there fast enough. All the times you fell and I tried to help you up.

The times I watched with pride as you succeeded at what you did. 

But I couldn’t freeze time. You kept growing up and growing older. You no longer wanted the bed time story. Santa was no longer real. You were no longer that baby girl taking her first steps. You are now blooming into a beautiful young woman. 

So smart, and loving. I am so proud of you my girl.

Now you are sixteen and growing fast. I look forward to so much more. 

Happy Birthday Marijke. I wish I could be there by your side. 

I can’t always be there, Still I trust that you will be fine that you will survive – that you will thrive.

And know deep inside, you will always hold my heart in your hand.