Sept 12, 2021 Relief and Sadness.

Published by Victor Barr on

Weak, I felt so weak. My head pounded, cold sweats soaked my skin. Only hours earlier I felt fine, a bit tired but fine. My back ached but that was nothing new. Was it the pain killer and muscle relaxant combined with a puff and a beer? 

Couldn’t be, could it?

The inevitable question arose. Was it covid?

I have two vaccine shots, it couldn’t be the dreaded virus, could it?

Man, every time anyone gets sick the inevitable questions arise. More strange days in the strange world we live in.

It was a long and brutal night, groans erupted from my throat and I woke up in the darkness, I felt sleep would never come. The bed was soaked and I had nothing in me. I sure hoped I had nothing in my system like covid. When will we be rid of this threat that hovers over us? I felt sorry for my wife lying next to a miserable sweat-coated body like mine.

It came on so fast and hard I couldn’t understand what I had, but it sure felt like more than a simple cold. I had a few people ask if it could be covid, so when I woke up in the morning feeling like I had been run over by my own dually diesel I figured I should at least call and get assessed.

The minute I answered that I had a fever and chills I was told to come on down. I was the next contestant on is this covid test right…

The next thirty hours were long indeed. My loving wife put up with me. I had to cancel all my plans and stay away. I was thankful for the suite I built in the garage. It was my turn to move into the newly renovated room in the garage.

I was hoping I would be fine. In the middle of the dark night, I had my doubts.

And my fears.

What if I was one of the unlucky ones. One of the fully vaccinated that got the dreaded ‘vid? As I lay there, sleep escaping my drenched body, I thought about a friend lying in the hospital on the other side of the bridge. I wondered what was going on in his mind? He was on a ventilator, the last word I heard was that his liver had shut down. The last time I saw him we chatted about covid. He dismissed it, thought that it was an overblown reaction – that freedom mattered more. He was very respectful but still wasn’t worried. Sadly his denial of the effects of the dreaded virus did not protect him. He lay in the hospital, covid had wracked his once-vibrant body and soul.

I danced at the edge of sleep, hoping to get some rest. I so needed to rest. I was kept awake by the constant groaning, the restless motion of my body. Why couldn’t that voice be quiet? Until I realized it was my own groans interrupting much-needed sleep. 

I hoped for the night to end. What would the new day bring? What could I do to feel better? It was bad, my body ached like I was a refugee from a senior home that fell from the roof. There was no way it was covid, but it sure felt worse than a simple cold. 

Yet, I wasn’t dying. I was nowhere near death.

The text came in almost 26 hours after the test:

Automated message from the BC Centre for Disease Control: COVID-19 test result for VICTOR B is NEGATIVE.

Relief flooded through me and I felt better knowing that I only had some nasty bug. I would be able to breathe easier, my friends, my trainer, my daughter and my wife could breathe easier as well.

Little did I know my friend was having his last breaths pumped into him by a ventilator.

Phil was larger than life, he was always full of energy. I could hardly picture him lying wracked by this terrible disease that plays no favourites. He was a man that filled the room with his swagger and charm when he entered it. He had the biggest heart and the warmest smile. He never made any secret about what he thought and pulled no punches. I have the utmost respect for that man who I will never see again.

Another victim in this terrible pandemic that continues to rage around us. 

I only hope his unfortunate passing convinces one person to go and get the vaccine. This shit is real and it doesn’t care what you believe. It is not political, it is an inanimate thread of RNA that kills, maims, and ruins lives. The sooner we all get the vaccine or protect ourselves the sooner we will be rid of the horror show playing around the world. 

Covid has now hit close to home. Way too close to home. 

I am very lucky I only have some miserable bug. I hope it goes away soon. I am just weak and tired. I will wake up tomorrow, one step closer to health. I wish the same could be said for Phil and all the others that have fallen victim to this insidious viral foe… RIP you were a good man that deserved so much better.

Categories: Daily Journal


Deb Barnes · November 9, 2022 at 8:26 pm

Please tell me it’s not Phil

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