April 12, 2021, Debi’s story

Debi stood in the street, everything felt strange. It seemed real but she shouldn’t be there. She didn’t live there anymore. She felt her sister’s presence more than she saw it. Deb knew it was Linda without opening her eyes. It felt real; like she was there. Her conscious mind reeled at it all.

Yet she wanted it so bad.

Her sister held her arms open and they moved together. She didn’t feel her feet move; they just came together on the street under the huge maple tree and hugged. The two sisters held each other for a moment and time stopped. Deb knew Linda was there, her presence, her soul, her very being stood there on that street together. 

Then she was gone.

Debi felt a sense of peace at that moment. A deep breath willed itself into her lungs and she opened her eyes.

A dream? Was it really only a dream? She knew in her heart Linda was there in her dream. Was it really her? It couldn’t be… she was in Nova Scotia on the other side of the country. But she was there…

Debi sat up for a moment and looked around to make sure she wasn’t still dreaming.

And returned to her nightmare.

The hospital room felt like a prison after the last six months she has endured. It was bad enough to lose her toes and a finger. But now she was losing her sister.

She lay back down, alone in her room, her drab lifeless hospital room. A quiet sob escaped her lips as she closed her eyes willing herself back to sleep, hoping to return to the dream. Yearning to feel her sister’s heart again, Debi so wanted to see her sister’s smiling face once more.

Yet in her heart, she knew it was not to be.

She saw her in the middle of that long night. She heard about the heart attack – was it her heart or a blood clot in her brain? They may never know. It didn’t matter because she was gone. At least they got to say goodbye. She knew her last connection with her sister was a deep one she would never forget.

Her days passed like a living mirage. When the infection struck it was like nothing she could ever expect. Her artificial knees got invaded by an invisible enemy and her body could not fight it off. They told her she could go home soon if everything was ok. Soon…

The eleventh of April was the day she had etched in her heart, the day she wanted release from her sterile prison. Her granddaughter’s birthday was April 11 and she wanted to get out to see her. Covid restrictions only allowed one visitor.  She ached to get out and see her, to hug her, to see her smile…

But it was not meant to be.

They kept poking and prodding… when would it end?

Not today, was the story from her doctor. He frowned as he looked at the report from the latest tests. She had another infection; they needed to give her more medicine to treat the pain in her body. Her body had somehow betrayed her.

Unfortunately, there wasn’t enough medicine to treat the pain in her heart.

It was the beginning of another long haul. Emaciated, she lay there, lost. The simple things were all she could hold onto. The love and support of her husband, the passion of her grandkids, and the glow of sunsets over the beauty of the Rocky Mountains in the distance. All she could do was greet the next day and stay safe. All she wanted to do was have the pain finally come to an end.

In the darkness of the night, she lay there remembering the moment when her sister came to her. She held on to the feeling of connection from a thousand miles away. A tear slowly slid down her face and she seized the strength of love her sister had sent in her last moments.

Debi lay in the night waiting for the dawn of a new day. A janitor came through the hallways sweeping the debris from the floor. Silence was something she craved to help sweep away the debris from her mind. It was never completely silent. There was always some sort of humming noise, beeping or in this case the swish of the bristles of the broom as they pushed the dirt aside. How she wanted to push everything aside and go home. 

The diminutive man pushing a broom came through the hall outside her door and smiled at her. she smiled back and thanked him for his efforts. She wondered if anyone ever thanked these invisible people that cleanup everyone’s mess. She smiled again and let him know she was glad he was there. The little man looked strangely at her and then grinned, seeing the goodness inside her soul. 

Debi was grateful for all the caring souls who helped her through the darkest moments. She didn’t envy them their jobs, tasks that must expose them to so much pain and suffering. Since covid began it must have been that much more difficult. Her nurses were the real unsung heroes of all the chaos in the hospital in the last year. She still couldn’t believe she has been stuck there for half that time. The nights were the longest, and she did her best to keep her mind from drifting into dark places. 

Debi caught her breath on the foul odor that haunted the air of the health unit she was in. It was oppressive – she had grown to find it the worst thing about being in the hospital: except the food. The food is always terrible in hospitals everywhere, it’s almost a point of pride for the monolithic health facilities. She tried to close her eyes again and wait for the day to come.

She awoke to see sunshine reflecting off the Glenmore reservoir in the window. Debi held her breath for a moment, the water rippled and she saw the glowing sun shimmer with the morning breeze. Inside she held onto the memories of her sister and the love that echoed still. With the help of the amazing people in the hospital, she should make it home again. 

Through the indomitable spirit of her will and the strength and support of others she will rise again.