July 20

I quit my job today. Well, just one job, a job that I have been putting off and dreading. I gave in and pulled the pin. I will not be cleaning any more windows again. My back is sore, and my desire is gone. I feel bad walking away from the fifteen story building and leaving it for the guys from Ever-Clear but I just can’t do it.

I admit it, I am out of shape and sore. Hanging off a fifteen-story building when I could be taking people on the boat is a basic no brainer.

It wasn’t an easy decision. I have cleaned these peoples windows for fifteen years. And personally done the building myself quite a few times. I love the feeling of freedom rappelling down the outside of a building gives me. I love the sense of accomplishment that completing a job delivers.

I hate the pain.

I hurt every day, pulling myself and 600 feet of rope around the outside of a building has worn my body down. The pain in the middle of my back has been with me for twenty-five years, I don’t remember what it is like to not hurt. But I have pushed through, delivered myself from the pain by sheer determination. And a little bit of bull-headed stupidity. I don’t need to do that anymore.

I won’t.

It was as forceful as that. I made my way to the patio where I was to begin my job. My ropes were all there, I had a ladder there. I was set up, all I needed to do was drop my lines and go to work. I tied myself off and removed the railing glass that held the height at bay. I sat at the edge and peered over, feeling a crisp breeze caress my face. I started to drop my line, I stopped. I stepped back from the edge and calculated the breeze. I needed to start further up the wall. I stopped again as my back throbbed in a familiar pain. A pain that is much like an old friend that keeps coming back around, hurting me, crushing me. Every fibre of my being screamed at me to stop, to pack up, to surrender. I gave in and surrendered. I haven’t quit a job since I was nineteen and I quit to start my own business.

Today I severed the last tie. I am no longer a window cleaner. It has been a part of me since I was eighteen, thirty-two years ago. I think it’s ok to call it a career. I have other things to do, I need to move on, move forward. With excited trepidation, I pulled my gear and walked away.

I went to the dock to meet Rob, to plan our week, to fix the tube. It was time to begin my new path and move forward; no looking back. Serendipity is the name of our boat for a good reason. As such Rob got a call for a fishing tour Wednesday as we worked together on the dock. Half-day fishing Wednesday, my decision felt better by the moment.

The boat will be busier, life will move forward as I continue to live the dream in the Okanagan. In silence my back will continue to throb, I will continue to push through the pain. Maybe one day I will be free of the continuing torment.

Much like our world, I suffered in silence, too proud to complain and too stupid to stop. Now it is time for me to stop. I hope our world can learn to stop as well. there are many things wrong in this world. I hope that we have learned from the pause we took. 

 I know I have.