April 15

Lost. A feeling, a situation. I want to find a direction but my mind wanders. I try to watch Trudeau this morning again. I catch some of what he says. Good news, they are expanding who gets money; I guess I can get some covid bucks now.

I desperately want a change in news. Our boy wonder PM just keeps repeating the same thing. Stay home, stay the course and in weeks or months we may be able to open things up. I am reminded of the time I spent at the airport waiting for my delayed plane. Air Canada kept saying one more hour, until 8 hours later the plane was fixed and ready for take-off.

Do they know how long it will be? Do they want to tell us? I get caught in the trap online again. A friend sends me a message from the flat earth society… really? What do we believe? What is the full truth? People who I think are rational are now posting conspiracy theories. I understand we are getting impatient and the percentage of sick people is extremely low. People are getting restless and patience is in short supply.

I am watching the virtual town hall; Covid-19 in Canada, a CBC special report on the coronavirus. One month since they implemented the lockdown and closed restaurants and bars, closed borders and closed lives. Reflecting on the past month and all my journal entries everything is getting repetitive. That lost feeling emerges again. Nothing compares to the loss people on the show are feeling. Families are losing parents and siblings. Sadly they can’t even hug their family’s goodbye. A seniors home in Quebec with an outbreak of the virus had twenty-three deaths and the staff simply walked away. Hard to understand how anyone could just walk away from sick and dying people.

The need to walk, to breathe over takes me and we join our friends for a brisk walk in the calm night air. The clear sky allows the warmth of the day to escape and the fresh air makes me feel alive again. We connect on our walk, staying on opposite sides of the street. A brisk walk in the night air is what I need to connect with the positives; Our neighbourhood golf course has opened up, spring has arrived, we are walking, we are safe and we are healthy.