April 19

The young girl stared in the mirror in front of her. She didn’t like the face staring back, it was tear-stained and the pain was etched across it with scars only she could see.

Where were her friends? Why had they left her hanging? She paced the room, unable to move forward from the pain. Unable? Or Unwilling? She wasn’t sure. All she felt was the pain of loss, rejection, and fear.

She felt like she wanted to escape her skin. To flee inside and never come out. It was so hard. Her dad told her she was beautiful, but she didn’t hear his words. Only his frustration. Why did everybody hate her? Why didn’t he see her pain and how ugly she really was. She let those boys use her and throw her away. Now she wanted to throw herself away.

All she was and all she had was in the tiny box of wires and microchips. It consumed her and connected her. And her mom wanted to take it away. Now her dad did too. Why were they so mean? What could a young teenage girl do when she was so full of raging hormones and swirling pain? Emotional pain that could not be fixed with words. How could she run away from the pain?

Cutting was a way to show the world how much it hurt. Why couldn’t they stop the pain? Why couldn’t she stop the cuts that bared her skin? She wanted to expose herself for all the world to see. And hide inside so no one could see her.

Before the stupid virus struck, life seemed ok. Not perfect but it was pretty good. She had her friends, she had the love of her family, and the promise of a great big world.

Then it collapsed.

Was it the restrictions placed on everyone that made people so cruel? The boy seemed so full of love for her. Until he told her she had to do those things to him. She wasn’t ready… but she wanted his love so bad. She wanted his approval. So she went down there. He penetrated her body and her soul.

Then he betrayed her and threw her away.

Now they all laughed behind veiled eyes at her. She had such a hard time facing the day. She just wanted to stay in bed, to crawl deep into her device, and make it all go away.

Mom kept bringing home all those different guys. Why couldn’t she? She didn’t want to be her mom… Was she doomed to be her anyway? She needed a safe place to run.

Her phone was that safe place. Why did they yell at her about it?

Her dad didn’t understand so he yelled too. They took it away again. She wanted to die. No! She wanted a better life. How could she find that place of peace inside?

Her stomach churned and her mind whirled as she searched for happiness. The masks on their faces didn’t hide the disdain in their eyes. Or was it fear? Everyone seemed to be suffering. Her best friend was lost to her as well. Hidden in her room her friend was now a ghost. They were all ghosts.

She would come back and haunt them when she was a ghost.

Her parents cried out to her, told her they love her. She didn’t hear them, she was losing herself.

Crying into the night, there must be a better way. She wished they could hear her cry and make it go away…

In the distance, she can hear their voices calling to her. They stand there with open arms, she wants to run to them and feel the warm embrace…

Her parents would do anything to find a way to take away the pain. She must help them find a way and help herself as well. Deep inside the strength is there. She only needs to open herself to the endless possibilities of a life just beginning.