April 27

Our motorbike ride yesterday was a fulfilling trip that made me remember why I love riding so much. When we got home we walked into a strange odour. Further investigation made us think the smell was septic. I looked in the storage room where the smell was strongest and thought it must be our septic system backing up into the sewer pipes. Chagrined I called a company that pumps out septic tanks. They can’t come for ten days. Ten days with a smell that is insidious and invasive. Can we really wait ten days?  Morning will tell.

i spend my nights trying to sleep, trying not to stress. Stress is one of the biggest killers, bigger than cancer, and certainly bigger than the microscopic organism that is causing so much stress. I want to relax and move on with life, but with so much of my income gone stress creeps into my dreams.

A new stress entered my life today, a good stress. My daughter came home from her mom’s today. I love the energy she brings, the way she can light up my life.  I hate the way she can frustrate, the way she has stopped listening to me. I love the fact she is healthy and safe.

Her best friend came over right away and I came outside to the strange vision of a ladder against the wall. Apparently the ladder is Marijke’s way of getting on our bedroom deck. I asked them what the heck they were doing. The girls were trying to climb up onto the deck because her friend is not allowed through the house. I helped them get up onto the deck with the ladder, I then decided that the risk to her safely getting off the deck was higher than the risk of her going through the house.  When should I ease up and let them hang together inside?

Before my kid came home I needed to find out where the stench was coming from. Was it sewer backing up into the basement? I called my plumber friend and he said he would come check it out. The stench was getting so bad I could taste it behind my teeth. I could feel it in my throat. I looked again in the storage room. That’s when I saw it; the turkey. A turkey was sitting there on the floor beside the freezer. The bag it was in was bloated, the putrid smell clearly emanating from within the bag labelled; Young Turkey. I was very happy that it had a handle on it as I carried it to the garbage outside. The foul smell still haunted the storage room but it soon became clear why it was there. At that point my wife remembered  that she must have forgotten to put the turkey back in the freezer ten days ago. At least it wasn’t the septic system.

My plumber friend came over anyway. We haven’t seen each other in over a month and it was time to connect. When he got to my house he wanted to give me a hug. I so wanted the hug as well. But we aren’t hugging anymore. It hurts inside to refuse a hug. He tells me that it is a bunch of bullshit, brainwash by the government. I handed him a beer and we sat down outside and enjoyed the view.

I understood what he was saying; the numbers really don’t seem to justify the reaction. But we need to protect my wife’s parents. We were protecting them yesterday, kept our distance from them and made sure not to touch. No hugging our parents. No hugging is a very hard thing to do. Not being able to hug someone you love is like an unseen affliction on the heart. An ache deep down that we resist and overcome the desire. We must not touch! It goes against every fibre in our beings, an instinct we have conquered. What will happen if we get used to not hugging, if hugging becomes a bad thing?  I hope that doesn’t happen.

My buddy, my brother tried to hug me again when he left.  I refused the hug and the handshake; it felt very sad not to shake his hand. He may feel bulletproof, I am not ready yet.

We ended our day with another walk, I need to see people, I need to talk. I am an extrovert in isolation. My isolation is not really near as bad as it could be. I am walking, I am moving. We are adapting.