March 26

March 26, 2020

I went to work today downtown, social distancing in mind.  It felt weird somehow going downtown; with no one there it felt almost like working on Christmas or Remembrance Day.  Guilty feelings washed away when I got on the roof and soaked in the view of the lake, framed by snow-capped mountains.  The air felt good, cleaner somehow, nice to breath and move forward.  Still hard to focus and do the job, just staring at the awesome view was enough, doing the job was getting in the way. 

Strange feelings arose when I saw a friend across the street. I haven’t seen him in a while and neither of us crossed the street to shake hands.  No Contact!  Yet we connected and related between the few passing cars.  We are all in this together we decide and we must carry on.

Home felt like a sanctuary when I arrived, I tell myself I was too busy to eat lunch but really I felt afraid to stop, must get done and get home. It’s time for some comfort food, my favourite meal as a kid; Nasi Goreng.  I find it hard to focus on cooking, I feel lost somehow, maybe it’s the clouds… maybe not. 

Walk time again, small routines to settle my soul.  My honey isn’t feeling well and stays home, a nagging fear builds inside, every sniffle and every chill brings a new fear that wasn’t there before.  The mailbox is a short walk down the hill, it’s getting dark and the air is brisk. Lights on in my neighbours shop, his man cave.  Every fibre of my being wants to knock on the door and say hi.  Carrying on my soul cries out in vain.  I must stay away, walk on and be alone. 

Passing my house on the way back up the hill I am not ready to go in, I haven’t connected with my surroundings yet.  I feel my phone in my pocket weighing me down and calling to me.  A picture of a White Rabbit is there, we have gone down the rabbit hole!  I laugh to myself and sing out loud,  who will really care if I am singing?  I chuckle and wonder if Alice knows?  I return to the warmth of my home, I feel safe, loved.  Looking for what tomorrow will bring